My plantain chips.

I run a Facebook column on my page titled “Joy of motherhood” and as I typed #14, a flood of emotions swept through me.
It was a little past 6am and my daughter who I call plantain chips due to her love for plantain chips, (ajebutter1) and I were just lying down and starring into the darkness, talking and chuckling.

#Preciousmemories.

I remember being pregnant with her, I remember a lot of things, mostly sad. But GOD has kept me.

I went through a lot of emotional pain and physical body pain. I used to feel this burning sensation in my stomach at the time of my pregnancy and I would lie down on the cold bathroom floor with the windows open in the middle of autumn. It felt comfortable for my warm body. Emotionally, it felt like I was in a rot and I had no idea what I was doing in life. Here I was, pregnant, broke and rejected by the ones I thought loved me.

As I shared this story with her, she held me tight, yes children know those who gave up a lot for them.

I was alone, really alone. There are times you are surrounded by people yet you feel lonely.

I talked to Eugene almost daily..GOD rest his soul.. When he died a part of me refused to move on. I still miss him. He would have been my “Mr right.”

As I shared this story with my baby girl I realized how all we have been through has made us the little unit that we are. And as I rounded up my story, she sounded more appreciative of who I am to her.

I went through rejection, heart break, I could find no love in sight and it tore me to pieces. For a long while I did not know who I was. I was trying to please everyone by following what they told me just to prove that I was a good person and at some point I stopped living. I listened to advice to the point where everyone’s words would clash and when I chose to do me, I was called stubborn. I started letting people’s words dictate my life and I noticed when I was alone some of these advisors as I called them in the past were no where to be found. Apart from GOD, there are some individuals who have remained constant in my life as I have lived and for that I am grateful. (who is to define you and say how good of a person you are just because they give you advice. These same people will run around you and say things about you that would knock your socks off and take your breath away).

I have been told I was not good enough, I have been called all kinds of names and treated all kinds of ways, but who is to say these words define me.

The older I got I began to learn to live. I have two lovely people who are looking up to me for everything in a mother and I felt like just breaking free to focus on what was and is more important to me.

I still have my moments, I still have days that I cry and wonder, but through it all I have chosen to live.

To love, to live, to smile more, to be positive, to trust etc.

I have my two little people and if they as children can live, I too can. In fact they have taught me to live. Like my plantain chips would say “it’s no body’s business.”

JESUS was absolutely right  when he said we should be like the little children and I love that verse in the Bible for so many reasons (Matthew 18:3).

Basically, I am a work in progress. We shall all get there.

Advertisements

In the eyes of Osinachi.

it was August 1996, she had just turned 16 and all she remembered were the words of her mother “do not look at boys, do not talk to them because you can get pregnant.” Naïve and sheltered she absolutely believed it and carried that thought around for years. Fast forward to 14 years later, here she was, 30 years old and sprawled out in her lover’s bed feeling as beautiful as she had never felt. The Jesus girl just had sex. Wasn’t she supposed to feel evil? After all, they are not married. The thought began to creep in, she covered herself in shame as she watched her lover walk into the bedroom in all his glory. She loved him at least. There was nothing crazy about the experience. And the almighty orgasm, that was not a bad feeling.

“Why are you all covered up?” he asked.

“Nothing, I am just a little cold.” she lied.

He slowly snuggled beside her and she nestled her head on his chest and out came the words “I love you.” She was afraid, really afraid of what he might say. “will he reply? she asked herself.

“You had me at love. With every breath I love you.” He said to her.

There it was, the big moment. The Christian girl from the small town in Enugu, Nigeria was inlove. And she smiled at how it all started.

It was a beautiful Sunday morning, she was walking back from church, looking at the ground as she walked, she bumped into him. He was tall, dark and hand some with a smile to die for. She instantly lost control.

“I am sorry, I wasn’t watching.” She said as she wanted to hurry off.

“My fault, I should have been watching too. I was playing on my phone.” He smiled again. “here is my card. I am Tobechukwu. And you are?”

“Osinachi” she mumbled.

“Oh!” he said “e bu onye Igbo?” Meaning, “you are an Igbo person”  in the Igbo language.

He sounded really relieved.

She looked like “duh we are in Enugu.”

“Please do call me” he said kindly “we can do lunch or dinner, or just go out to see a movie.”

“Sure,” she mumbled. She was shaking “Its not everyday she bumped into men she actually found attractive.”

They sad their good byes and she said to herself  “I might take him up on that date. I like his smile.”

it was a fortnight and here she was sprawled out in his bed and in love. Is that what sex did to a person?

It was in the way he touched her, and kissed her lips so tenderly. She found herself lost inbetween his sheets and his arms.

She took him up on the date a week after they met and they saw a movie, he had only given her a kiss on her left cheek just to say good night. A few days later he called, he wanted to make her dinner “No funny business.” he had said to her.

she took up the offer but thought “he could be an axe murderer,” but for some reason she was not scared. It was something about his smile.

Dinner was Chicken stew and white rice, the long grain of rice that had a sweet smell to it. He was an excellent cook and he made her laugh through all with all his jokes. Not that he was absolutely funny but Madam church girl liked him, she liked a boy. She was comfortable with a boy. Epic! They moved to the sofa and were watching a movie “Save the last dance” with Julia Stiles. It was an old movie but none of them seemed to care.

“Do you care for some ice cream?” he asked.

“ice cream?” she repeated after him “no no no, you have ice cream with the blunder of a current nepa gives?”

He started laughing and replied “well I had turned on the generator and had it in the freezer all day before dinner.”

“Okay, let me try your non nepa affected icecream.” she said chuckling silently.

The ice cream was quite tasty, it tasted like home made vanilla. Then it happened. Nepa struck and they sat in the dark laughing.

the next thing that happened after that was beyond anyone’s control.

“Osinachi'” he called her name and took her chin in his right hand while he planted a kiss on her lips.

she couldn’t move, she couldn’t say no. There was something about the feeling of being kissed.

he picked her up and she found herself in his sheets feeling young and free.

“Are you okay?” he asked. as he kissed her lips while caressing every nook and cranny of her tiny body.

She felt chills run through her spine as he kissed her navel. “So this is how it feels?” she asked the small thought in her head.

He gently took off her clothes, she did not resist. She enjoyed the feel of his hands, as he caressed her chest. He swooped past her nipples and she melted. “No one ever did that to me.” she thought to herself.

He was in heaven as every part of her body complied with him. He looked up and kissed her lips. She had the most soft lips. Still caressing her, he kissed her neck, causing her to moan silently. He searched for her breasts and fondled them passionately while she let out a passionate cry. “Wow” he thought.

He kissed each nipple, placing his warm tongue around each areola so perfectly. This alone sent ripples of electric through out her body as she shivered. Slowly and quietly he kissed her down her body and got to her special place. It was well shaved and trimmed and she smelled like roses.

Slowly he parted her labia majora with his lips and proceeded to massage her clitoris with his tongue. She still had hers. Her toes curled and she let out a little moan with his name “Tobechuckwu.” He heard his name and he felt a surge of electric through his blood and into his body and he grabbed her thighs and in a circular motion placed his tongue over her clits.

She felt  something tickle her down below. She never felt it before and she grabbed the sheets, the pillows and finally his head and there she was, “what was this feeling?” she asked herself.

Meanwhile he fondled with his night stand and out came a pack of something.. she was smart enough to know it was condoms. “Did he have this planned?” “How come there is condom in his drawer?” “Its safe but I have not done this before she thought.”

“Tobechukwu,” she called out. “I have not done this before.

He instantly stopped on his tracks and feeling sorry he cuddled her and apologized profusely.

“It’s okay Tobechukwu, how were you supposed to know.” she asked.

“Shhhhh..” he shushed her and they drifted to sleep.

She loved the way he held her.

It was 1am, still no Nepa.

She got up and opened the windows as she started feeling hot. He closed it, went outside and turned on the generator and the ac in the bedroom to cool her off.

“Afterall she is my baby.” thought to himself.

He crawled into bed, cuddled her once more and she turned and whispered “I am ready.”

“ready for what?” he asked, not sure if she wanted to go home to her house or  something else.

“I am ready for you.” she replied.

He felt uneasy for a minute then asked “how are you sure I am the right person?”

“I don’t think there is a right person. What if I never find the right person?”

With that he kissed her silently touched her gently and looked into her eyes. He could see her need for passion.

he kissed her all over and ran his hands through her body from her spine to her small forest.

she felt ready and quietly they were one.

“It did not hurt that bad.” she thought and that feeling, that feeling that had her toes curled, that feeling that had her calling out his name. She grabbed the sheets and there she was, in the land of ecstasy. Her first time wasn’t that bad.

She loved the feel of his body, his masculinity, the way he took control, the way he wanted her to be okay and enjoy every moment.

She basked in every moment, she caressed his sweaty and slightly muscular body,she enjoyed the way he slid in and out of her so carefully and gently, his body against hers in sweet surrender. At 30, she was making love for the first time with a man she barely knew but loved.

To be continued.