I wouldn’t fake it if I were you……lol……

ola! I am not the funny type but I worry about my people who have various accents. The ones who visit Abu Dahbi and end up with a British accent. Let me dive right into it. I got a phone call from Nigeria and it was a friend of mine, for the life of me I could not understand why he was talking the way he did seeing he is based in Nigeria. I was like “he…llo..” I made a face after I guessed the right name and I was like “o hey.” I thought he sounded the way he did because he may have thought I wouldn’t understand him, but dude was I wrong. I had a conversation with a friend about it and while laughing she said “o you have not heard anything yet”. From there I began to watch more Nigerian effizy movies and listen to people talk. The funny thing is, even in the movies, when someone returns from the United States they speak with a British accent…There is nothing more noble than being yourself. A lot of people lead fake lives with fake personalities, with fake everything. Okay now, I am not saying my friend is a fake person, but that accent though lol.

As Nigerians who live or have lived in other countries and experienced other cultures, when we are together we have a tendency to speak in our accents but there is always a slight difference  while we speak. Take for instance, when I speak to my Nigerian peers, I speak much slower and I tend to be more comfortable while talking but when I speak to non Nigerians I have the tendency to speak fast or the way they understand. But that faking of accents and sounding like a cross breed between English and American/Arabic is totally funny and ridiculous. Imagine an Igbo man who has never left Nigeria and with a total Igbo accent speaking like he has lived in England…scary “innit”? I have a friend who said to me a while ago “I rather carry my no name brand bag than carry a fake Mk(Michael Kors) bag. I guess a fake accent can be compared to a Michael Kors bag and some carry about their fake accent like a fake designer bag… Thank you Dami lol….

Some people even fake more than their accents because once the accent is faked other things start turning fake too.

I have an aunty who told me “be comfortable with who you are”. You don’t need to fake anything to get anything. Even the Americans or English people who we live around love the uniqueness of our Nigerian/African accents. I know Nigerians who have heard me talk and say I sound different, some tell me “slow down you talk too fast”. For example my mom says “Nne biko slow down ka’mu nu ihe e ne kwu” which means “please slow down so I understand what you are saying”. Some say I have a slight English accent…Meanwhile, I have never been to the United Kingdom but trust me I have my Nigerian accent and they kind of associate it with the british accent…why? I don’t know. I even know Nigerians who have said I have no Nigerian accent…hmmm okay… But them folks who went to Lagos or even Ibadan and went home with a British or American accent, I bow to una o…

If you want to fake something like an accent, by all means do it right. Don’t try to sound Irish when you have not even been to the third main land bridge…and just because you live in Victoria Island you end up confusing it with London and start sounding British…

Now you can fake an accent like an orgasm and it probably helps your hustle and I cannot knock that, but when it becomes a lifestyle affecting everything else…my dear na prayer get am o.

like I said, I am not the funny type, I just thought this would brighten your day.

The struggle is definitely real.

“Should I write…?” I asked myself…then I sought a friend, one who knew me…”What should I write about, I have had the need to write about suicide.” I said. Apart from that, nothing came  to mind.

“You should get to work he said”.

I am a believer in GOD, we both are and we believe that the Holy spirit gives utterance. That’s another topic.

I begin.

What is depression: according to oxford dictionary. depression means “a mental condition characterized by feelings of severe despondency and dejection, typically also with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, often accompanied by lack of energy and disturbance of appetite and sleep”.

According to oxford dictionaries, suicide means “The action of killing oneself intentionally“.

I am from a country in a continent where the struggle with depression is swept under the rug. A country where if you exhibit any form of sadness you are told to “get over it”. In that part of the world, people think depression is a myth.

Let me go straight to my story.

I have smiled and I have cried a whole lot.

I see people do a gratitude challenge on face book and I smile because it’s the little things. Apart from my struggles, what are are my little things?My children.

I remember struggling with depression when I was pregnant with my daughter. My doctor’s office was literally across the street. I used to hate being alone, so I used to walk to her office and just sit in the waiting room and read. She would look at me and smile and she would ask if I was okay. Of course I would say I was. Even if I was going through a really rough time, I could not bring myself to really talk.

Anyway, I had my baby girl and she was just a few months old when we had to pick up and move further up north…when we got up north I felt lively since I saw more friendly faces in a fresh place. A lot began to happen within my family and I lost control of my emotions and slipped into depression. I had no body to really talk to and in my opinion, my spiritual life was far from what it was supposed to be  so I had nothing to hold on to, but one funny thing about everything was that when my daughter would cry, I would forget all and it was just about her. At some point I felt like I couldn’t deal anymore, I felt I wasn’t good enough, I felt I had made too many mistakes. It was more than I made it seem. I was going through more than I had let on. with family, with myself, so many demons.

One faithful day, I was lying down and for no reason tears fell down my cheeks and I just cried quietly, my room was quiet and dark…My daughter was sleeping quietly. I don’t know what got into my head, I looked at my desk and I had a box of pain pills. I should end it all I thought. I cannot go through this pain…the pain was because of known and unknown sources, I could not deal, I could not sort through it all, it became too much. I grabbed the pills, everything seemed bleak and I thought to myself “I am done.”  I looked at the pills and packed it all in my mouth with a glass of water. I had just taken all those pills, it felt like nothing. I just wanted the pain to go away. I went to lie down and I was getting really tired. Then my daughter started crying, “what have I done”? I thought, “who will feed her”? she does not like any kind of formula. I struggled to get up and I held her in my arms. I reached for the phone and called someone…”please call me the ambulance, I am dying.” Before you know it, the ambulance arrived. I ended up at the hospital with intravenous medicines and other medicines to help the pills come out. At this point I figured, if a certain way I feel and if a certain way people treat me could push me to almost take my life then I need to move on and just handle me and let me be me. I look at my daughter now and she is so worth every effort I have made to make my self better

Depression is real and it is a daily struggle, Some days are good, other days are really good. Some days are bad, other days are really bad. When I laugh, I laugh with all my heart. I hold my two children close. They are my little things. As a person who goes through depression, you have to figure out what is worth living for and if you see nothing, then look in the mirror and see how much you are worth. It is not easy and a real struggle but you just have to hold on to dear life.

Never judge a depressed or suicidal person, personally I think it is wrong. You have no idea what their struggles are. If you cannot offer them any help then let them be. Your criticism can push them off the edge. Forcing a depressed person to get therapy can make them worse. The only thing you owe a depressed person is love and tenderness, but when you notice they are suicidal please get them help.

There are different forms of therapy that works for different types of depression. I really feel to each his own as it depends on the situation. Apart from therapy, I sought spiritual help. I am a Christian, I sought GOD and I believe along with therapy HE gave me happiness.

The Bible says there is “Joy in the Holyghost.” Romans 14:17.

.Ps:This is my own personal experience meant to encourage the person who needs encouragement. If you see that you are depressed or suicidal please seek help in whatever part of the world you reside in.

It is difficult for me sometimes, but not to be funny I look at myself and smile. I am grateful I am the sperm that made it. 

May the force be with you.

Jewel.