So it is really early in the morning and I was having a conversation with a friend about her facebook page. She was bent on trying to use her privacy settings to the core and I told her how to, but then I said…why go so private? If you don’t like this or that person to see your page remove them from your list…Our conversation made me start thinking about the people in our lives and why we really deal with the ones we really don’t want to deal with. There are people who have chosen their path to build us up and some who do not give a rat’s behind about what goes on in our lives. My mom says “be nice to them anyway.”
I spoke to another friend of mine about having people around you that build you and promote you and the conclusion of the whole matter here is you have to be ready to build yourself then surround yourself with those who will promote the effort you are already making.
I have been in situations where I have been discouraged to do something for myself and once I tried I found that out all I had to do was try anyway. I found out that I do not need the permission of anyone to live my life to it’s fullest. I talk about my ajebutters…My kids…They see a change in my attitude, they see a change in my smile and my daughter even mentioned it “Mommy you look happier” Now if a child can notice this then wow it was needed…You cannot go around afraid to try, you cannot go around not being able to live and waiting for people to build you up. It is said charity begins at home and it surely does…
I love to cook but I used to get discouraged especially by some of my African people…when you cook for them and ask them how the food was they say “Nice.” I took this personal until someone said “it means they love it.” I don’t know why it discouraged me at the time but it did. But now instead of looking for the approval of others I promote who I am and hope for the best.
I have this sister who never lets up and she wrote me this beautiful poem on behalf of my father…
I’m so sorry I left sooner than I would have loved to. Please don’t blame people or the world for this. A lot of life is simply, God and luck and mine simply ran out.
I wish I had the words to make you feel better. I wish I could see my grand kids. I wish I could take them out for a walk. I wish I could teach little prof to knot a tie. I wish so many things were different but they are not.
Most dads and daughters have decades to chat around the dinning as the dad dishes out advice and their girls no doubt roll their eyes. We didn’t have that much time.
Here are some advises I would have loved to give you: You’ll have men-friends bug you! – and I won’t be there to grill them about their intentions. So here’s some advice from your old man. It’s very hard to describe how it feels to really be in love. You might remember seeing me and your mum laughing together and cuddling on the sofa, and once the love hearts and flowers fade that’s what real love looks like. Have fun finding it. Always choose men with gentlemanly values, manners and respect. Imagine them having tea and a chat with our family around our table and if you think they’ll fit in, you have found a decent young man. Sadly, you will have your heart broken one day. It hurts like hell and will feel like the end of the world. But you will get over it. And even if a romance doesn’t work out, try to be kind. Boys have feelings too. Lastly, if you have a special boy pal who is always there for you when boyfriends come and go, don’t take him for granted. Don’t overlook him. He might really care for you. I often dreamt about your wedding day and imagined filling up with tears as I walked you down the aisle before giving you away. I cant do that now. Sorry sweetheart. But I will be looking over your shoulder on that day, proud and happy you have found a special someone to love you and care for you. You and your mum will argue at times. Please remember she adores you and wants the best for you. Give Mummy a hug when she is feeling sad and help each other get through any horrible times as I am gone. You might think your friends are right and your mum is wrong. But she has to make hard decisions for you and, more than any friend you’ll ever have, has your interests at heart. Treat her well. Nothing is more important than family and the values they give us. Nothing. Treat people as they treat you. Be nice to anyone who helps you. I’d love if you and Mummy, your siblings my grand kids to light a candle and remember me for a few minutes on Christmas Day. As regards your career; so many things ARE possible for you, darling. Do what makes you happy and that you enjoy. If you do so, life suddenly becomes much, much easier. You may need to start a few different careers to find the one you enjoy, but so be it. One life, one chance. Always remember your please and thank-yous. The reason Mummy and I drum manners into you is because they will help you throughout your life. Always be courteous, especially to elders. Never put a knife in your mouth. Remember to write thank-you letters for gifts of kindness as it is always nice to act with grace and gratitude. Always be happy! You never laugh at 50%: you always laugh at 100%. Your laugh takes over your whole body and is highly infectious. I hope you never lose that. There is no point in asking you not to be sad since I am no more with you in flesh. I know you will be, princess. And I wish I could be there to wrap my arms around you and snuggle you until you smile again. Always keep trying. You might remember that I taught you to say “giving up is for losers”. I failed a number of times in my life but never gave up. Never give up. Always Believe in yourself!! In life, many people will say you cannot do things. You make up your mind. Can you? Do you want to? Big challenges involve risks so make smart choices. Those who told me I couldn’t do certain things didn’t want me to do them. If you want something, it is nearly always possible, so do your best. I’m sure there’s a hell of a lot you can achieve! I know you will make me proud and do something great in my memory. I know you can do it – so let’s start now. And finally… Thank you for being you, Child. Thank you for paying me the biggest compliment of all time by calling me Daddy. Having you as my daughter is the greatest honour of my life. Thank you for teaching me more about love and happiness than any other person. Enjoy your life. Don’t rush through it. I will be waiting. All my love, always, to you princess, your siblings and to Mummy,
I hope you enjoyed every bit of it. I cry each time I read it.
I couldn’t conclude this piece without giving a shout out to my friend Aysha…She works for tsoule…They have lovely pieces…and do event management and decorations.